Yours Cruelly, Elvira: Memoirs of the Mistress of the Dark

Cassandra Peterson – 2021

Speaking as a onetime pre-teen hypnotized by the sight of Elvira on TV on Sunday afternoons in the early 80s, I was excited to get Cassandra Peterson’s long-awaited autobiography. Her varied career reads like a guided tour of show business in the 70s, 80s and 90s. She was a Vegas showgirl (her childhood dream), a member of the Groundlings comedy troupe, the singer in an Italian rock band, and a shameless (though allegedly chaste) groupie who found her way into the hotel rooms of Jimi Hendrix, Jimmy Page, Tom Jones and Elvis Presley. Eventually – through drive, talent and luck – she found her greatest fame as the horror hostess Elvira, a Vampira knockoff, on a Los Angeles television station in 1981. The show Movie Macabre showcased B-grade and worse horror flicks punctuated with her withering comedic commentary. I remember being introduced to movies like The Devil’s Rain, Homebodies, Count Yorga and of course the classically awful Attack of the Killer Tomatoes via Elvira’s show. Now to the book. While a good, light read, as expected, I found myself frequently wishing it was better. Despite being in the works for so long, it somehow feels rushed. Peterson may not be a gifted writer, which is fine, but a good editor could have helped her avoid so much off-putting grammar, structure and mood swings. I found the strongest material to be the pre-show biz early years, with Peterson as a wide-eyed, hopeful and lusty teenage girl in the 60s, with her delirious fanhood for Elvis, The Beatles and others, using pluck and cunning to make her way from Midwest go-go girl to Las Vegas dancer to Hollywood starlet. There is much pathos in her story, being a frequent victim of sexual harassment and sometimes assault. The book, however, never shakes an unfortunate feeling of triviality. I hoped for something a little more insightful, profound and even epic, like Keith Richards’ Life, but instead got a fairly routine celebrity memoir. Not a big disappointment; a minor disappointment but more than worthwhile for any Cassandra Peterson fan.